I started a journal years ago. For a few weeks, I wrote in it every day. Then, I missed a day. That one day turned into a week. I picked it up and wrote again. Soon, I wrote only on weekends.
Before long, I was writing only once a month. I intended to write every day. But I wasn’t committed to it, even though I thought I was. I let life get in the way and distract me.
I would see my journal in my nightstand drawer and cringe. There it was, reminding me that I wasn’t writing.
“I am busy. I will pick it up later,” I told myself
That later turned into three years.
I picked it up, read some entries and told myself I was going to start again. I did. For about a month, then I got busy and forgot about it again.
I was missing the burning, compelling desire to keep a journal. I wanted to journal when I thought about it. Or when I felt I had something to write about.
Without deliberately making a choice each day, I forget.
In my journey as a Christ-follower, I was doing the same thing. I treated Him like virtual Pocket Jesus; one of those 2-inch statues you put in your pocket and take out when you want to pray.
At one point in my life, I didn’t take out my ‘Pocket Jesus’ for years.
I have known about God all my life. I grew up in the Catholic Church. I attended Catholic school for the first 5 years of elementary school. I learned to fear God. However, I knew nothing about a personal relationship with Him.
I started public school in 6th grade. I remember classmates making fun of me because I was Catholic. I learned to keep my faith to myself.
When I started high school in 1970, the Jesus Movement had reached the mid-west. The hippie freak culture was also prominent.
I chose the wrong group.
When I needed Jesus the most, I started to reject him. I turned away from the Catholic Church. I attended church occasionally with a friend. Her minister was young and engaged the teens. I only participated in the activities.
I thought I could do life on my own. I did for a while. I went off to college. I didn’t pray. I did things I am now ashamed to admit. I tried it on my own and failed.
After getting married and starting a family, I went back to church. After all, I was now responsible for another life, and that life needed God. And, it made my mother happy.
But, I wasn’t fully connected. I was going through the motions. I felt that emptiness others talk about. I knew something was missing in my life.
Years later, it was still missing. I had left the Catholic Church and was attending a non-denominational Christian church. I went to church most Sundays, praying and listening to the message. I was often inspired by the music and sermons. I told myself I would start connecting with God every day. I would move out of my comfort zone and witness to someone about Christ.
Then, life got in the way. I got up, went to work, took care of my family and forgot to pray. I forgot to thank God for all the blessings he has generously given me. How much he has provided for me.
I wanted Jesus in my life, but I didn’t want to do the work.
Years ago, my husband and I joined a small group at church. We wanted and needed a connection with other Christians. My prayer life grew a little when we started regularly attending because each week our small group leader led us in prayer.
However, I was still only connecting with God on Sunday during church and once a week at small group meetings.
I do not know if I was waiting for God to tap me on the shoulder and say, “Peggy, it is time to pray. I would love to hear from you.” Or maybe, I thought I would just connect with God daily without making an effort. Without thinking about him, I would just start praying.
I realize I need more than Sunday services and small group meetings. I need more than praying once a week.
I prayed in the morning for a couple of days, then, I missed the next day. Soon it was Sunday again, and I hadn’t thought about praying to Jesus since Monday. Or, it was Sunday, and I was out-of-town, and there would be no church that week.
Without deliberately making a choice each day to pray, I forget.
I subscribed to Daily Readings and Devotionals. I admit I didn’t read them every day. They would sit in my Inbox and pile up. Then, I would binge read and clear them out. Or just delete them because I was too far behind.
I have a plaque in my bedroom with a section of scripture from Joshua 24:15 “. . . But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
I was missing the vital part at the beginning of the verse. “. . . then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve”,
Without deliberately making a choice each day to pray, I forget.
This January, I made a change. I decided to make a conscious decision each day to choose God. I bought a small planner and write my to-do list on it every day.
Every day the same three tasks are at the top of the list: pray, daily reading, and journal. Prayer needs to be a daily habit.
I was inspired to develop this habit after completing a reading plan in the You Version Bible application. “Choose God or Choose Self.”
I am on a journey to choose God each day. To place self and other gods last.
I will write about my journey, struggles, and choices. I hope you are inspired to join me in this journey.
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